Sometimes I get so depressed I don't even feel like a person anymore. Just a shadow of what I used to be. But honestly, it's hard to live. I'm still young and my body works and my parents pay for my necessities but God it'll be horrifying when I have to earn all by myself with the old withered body of mine, let alone.
I want everyone to hate me. I want everyone who I care about to abandon me so I can bleed out and die in despair.
Would it be silly of me to say that I miss having my clear skin? Since I've left home my skin has gone terrible even though I care for it. Even my hair has grown and gotten terrible. My body probably does not like change. I have to be the best person on this entire motherfucking planet and I'll start by impressing my organic chemistry teacher. His words give me a will to live, to probably try believing in God, again. I want him to be proud of me, to know my name. And I need to work hard. Hard, hard, hard. I need to work hard. I have to work hard, so hard. I have to make a man out of myself. I have to be someone. I need an identity. Maybe then, I won't suffer from this head tormenting solitude?
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