When I wrote the title I was severely sleep deprived like I literally slept for like four or six hours in the past four days. I was only eating dinner and fasting from somewhere between 18 to 25 hours. I was also quite dehydrated. I started playing basketball and I was in extreme physical pain plus my classes were lowkey hard especially hard. I was going insane. Today was Saturday (Mabel and Dipper's birthday) I slept well. I could barely wake up this morning but my physical pain literally healed. I ahd this quiz. I was talking to this girl who's my classmate hoping to be actually friends and so she starts talking about books and then out of nowhere she mentions she wants to read a Little Life like whatt I told her I heard some bad stuff about it but she said she did too. I asked what the book is about and she said she didn't know it. I wanted to shoot myself at that moment. At lunch my roomates friend asked me if I had a boyfriend and I instantly replied with a no and she goes "so you like girls" and I replied a bit too late. I hope she doesn't think anything of it. She did say love you to my roommate twice after dinner while we were leaving not saying she likes girls though. Just an observation.
Coming back to the topic, I'm in much better state and I have nothing against these people but I would just liek to express how I feel about them to someone, like confide and shit.
1. My roomate: she's okay, I obviously don't hate her but sometimes some action make me feel weirded out. She did touch my tight while talking once and it felt so weird I wanted to chop my leg off but yea she's nice. I used to sit alone for dinner but she invited me to sit with her friends several times and I finally went maybe two days ago. She's in 3rd year, so ate her friends.
Her friends are nice too.
Genuinely starting the hate list most of them are my female classmates (because I don't talk to boys, I'd rather kill myself), also using
1. (Not my classmate) This girl comes to play basketball. She sounds like a goat. She never did me any wrong personally but she's super rude. She risked mine and a few other girl's safety and was scolded for it and because of that she was crying. Just saying that if it was me I'd be apologizing like hell to others. My mom would definitely slap me. The other girls who play don't like her at all either.
2. This girl is my classmate and also lives in my hostel. She's from Odisha. I've met four people from Odisha and all they are is horrible to me. This girl is a bitch and she's Skinner than me which only adds fire to the fuel. Yesterday while returning from basketball practice she told everyone to wait for her because she was a bit behind but nobody did except me and guess what she does, she just jogs up to them leaving me standing behind them like a fool. A few days ago we got our books foe a library and were late for our next class and miss ma'am is clicking snaps and applying lipgloss.
3. She is 2's roomate. She also comes for basketball and sounds like another fucking goat. She's horrible. She literally never gives you the ball to practice but expects you to do so like fuck off bitch. I did give her the ball when it was my turn and she's just unbothered. Like I hate you. She's also lowkey disgusting to me.
4. This girl is friend with no. 2 she also plays basketball. She's nice but she promised to be in Quiz with me but she totally ditched me and went with a different group of people. She's also way thinner than me so it pisses me off.
5. This girl sits beside me in class and she's the epitome of literal shit like der she's so ugly she's uglier than me. I absolutely hate her. She's academically better than me which does not help my hatred towards her at all. She claims to do art but it's something I used to do in fourth grade. I'm taller and thinner and a better artist than her so she can absolutely fuck off. She'll be in class and be like "I know this" , " omg this is so easy" while I'm scratching my head. She was showing her art to no.4 in class and I swear I'd purge. Shws6so horrible. Die fucker.
6. She's friends with no. 5 and is also academically better than me and the arrogant like her ego is beyond the exsosphere. She sits in the place I used to. She wrote earlier in the gc that she'll only participate to win. Like I hate her so fucking much. She was absent one day and all the girls were taking how shitty which she is.
7. This girl is friends with 2. too. She's not that horrible but she's insufferable. She expects me to give her my lab manual even though her rool number is just after mine. In computer practicals she'll constantly disturb me asking for answers like go away girl. She also draws btw and yes I'm better than her too.
8. The other girls in my class are either nice or unbothered which is fine either way. I hate no 2 so much because we'll be in a group and I'll be the one ignored and excluded, and beacuse no.4 is there too it only strengths the effect.
I think it's better to be ignored and excluded rather than being bullied so I'm okay. It just hurts. There a more people who piss me off but I don't interact with them much. Seeing skinny, tall, and people who are academically better people than me drives me crazy though. I desperately want to eat ice cream and want to shit. I got around ten LinkedIn connections at NASA and a few of them are astronauts and this is what kept me sane through the week. It's hard to focus when I'm so hungry all the time. Also, all the vile shit I wrote just stays here, I'm genuinely nice and kind to people online and offline. I would never wish genuinely bad things to happen to these people although I lowkey want the people who sexually assaulted me to be tortured to the brink of death.
SO YOU DO KNOW THAT I WANTED TO VE AN ASTRONAUT RIGHT? I SAW THIS ONE VIDEO WHERE THIS DUDE SAID HE GOT IN NASA THROUGH CONNECTIONS. "NETWORK IS NET WORTH". SO I TRIED CONNECTING WITH ASTRONAUTS AND PEOPLE IN GENERAL FROM NASA AND THIS DUDE ACCEPTED MY INVITE AND NOW WE BOTH HAVE A CONNECTION ON LINKEDIN. I'M NOT SURE HOW SIGNIFICANT IT IS BUT I'M INTERNALLY SCREAMING ITS LITERALLY 2:30 AM AAAAAAAAH. ANYWAY, HE'S MY 3RD FAVOURITE ASTRONAUT AFTER LELAND MELVIN AND KALPANA CHAWLA. 
