fun fact about me is that i am 21 years old and i don't have a job, i do have club responsibilities and i hate it so much. I hate my organizer. I am the PR lead there and oh my fucking god it is a curse. I got so upset because of it i didn't do any work today and tonight they give me a fuck tone of workload of this and that (alongside what i already had) and i also get scolding. Now i did fuck up yesterday in the google meet where i got 'stage" fright" and couldn't speak. i did speak but it was like reading a script. Today i get a scolding for replying to a mail. i replied to it this morning, the organizer tells me a few mins ago that i should't contact them now well how the absolute fuck am i supposed to know that bitch. I hate him so much. all i did today was try and distract myself be it games or shows or food. My sisiter is upset eith me because i'm always busy and so are my parent's because i've "grown distant" now see that might be the case but when i do talk to them they ask me stuff that's suffocating. I have so much to do and this fuckass club won't let me. I fucking hate it. I really want to resign. I am getting way overworked without any pay. Am i learning stuff? well yea but again it doesn't compare to the stuff i would've learned if i didn't have this. Also i have to work on my skills both in cs and in ece and i also have to engage in physical activities and find internships and have a social life this is all so consuming. The only "good" thing is that i have a little time to still learn all of this. #rd year is way too hard and in my department it's suicide fuel. I also have to actually do a deep dive of my 3rd sem because i just studied whatever was easy. I have to study everything. Also fix calculus, i haven't done shit yet. I have to start with CP and fix y public speaking skills. My parents lower my self esteem by like a billion points and it's not like they do it purpously. There's also other stuff.
I visited Melbourne on 5th. I felt sad for her. I wanted to help her. I wanted to tell her the reality but in part i realize what she's experiencing. She's nice. It was mostly lying down on the bed. She did ask me if i was okay everytime she woke up/ She also asked me how do one trust people and i said it's hard. I told her avout her boyfriend but she's in denial and oh god if he isn't the devil himself, she said he changed, something in his heart changed.
I absolutely hate college. Every single element of it. I've hated it since day 1. I hate hate hate college. I cannot get for it to get over. I really show work towards getting a job.
GUYS, HE APOLOGISED.
there's way more but yea these explain the jist of the situation.
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