Today was not a good day. This week was terrible. It's been months since I've ate anything healthy all i eat is junk food. Last night I drank too much coffee and started shaking, woke up somehow by 9 to go to class. I cut up some (250 GM's) of beetroot last night. It was like 120 cals max. Anyway class felt a bit off. I'm had programming lab and usually I'm good at it but I was so frustrated without any reason. I took a bus to come home to attend a wedding tonight and I was SO dead in there like o felt as if I could faint any moment honestly. I somehow reached home and got ready to go to the wedding. I go there and eat and eat and eat. It was a bullimic dream binge. It was a neighbour's son's wedding. Two years ago this same neighbour had his nephew's wedding and it was wonderful. I was as always the best bullimic even then. I literally ate and purged thrice that night. Tonight though my appetite wasn't so strong although I did stuff my mouth a lot. In the wedding this random man tells me "yea don't eat" exclaiming I've gotten thin, turns out he's a neighbour. Then comes the moment. I actually went to the counter to eat sweets and while returning it was super crowded and I said excuse me to slide between two men but non of them moved so I somehow went in between them. Instantly after passing I had this weird gut feeling and I checked the face of the person behind me and it was him. I just passed him. I thought I saw his face. I rushed to where mom was telling myself why would he be here alone without my aunt and other cousin and his family haha. I was looking for a stall to purge but I couldn't find one. A min or two later mom tells me to go find sister so I go to this ice cream stall still thinking it can't be him haha and I had noticed he wore a light blue denim shirt so I was scanning the area for people wearing the same and well I found a man looking similar to him and was relieved he wasn't here but it was until I found my sister. He was near the ice cream stand. We made eye contact. I was TERRIFIED. It's been atleast too hours since I returned and my chest is still beating fast. Whenever we come across on teh road we pretend to not see each other and walk by but today was so HORRIFYING. Like I could feel my body not be mine. I was so scared. My body legit froze when i realised he was actually there liek haha fuck. I almost felt I was 11 again and was standing naked in that crowd. Fuck fact though I visited the same place in this time of the year in 2016 and earlier that hear he made me strip and walk naked around my house. But immediately after my sister comes towards me with an ice cream cone and I almost run away with her while he's watching. I couldn't eat anything after that and I genuinely wanted to throw up. I couldn't walk legit because my body did not feel like mine. People being people this women again says I keep growing thinner and a while later another women comments on my low weight and legit body-checks me like she's wrapping her fingers around my arms and the funny thing is my arms were thin enough but I was a bit lost to be proud. I finally did come home. I came a bit earlier than my parents and ran straight to the toilet. This was legit a very satisfying purge and on my top 3. Maybe because I genuinely ate a fuck ton. I would post pictures here but that's very unethical. My mom comes home and was like "you're throwing up?" And I legit was like "no, I'm shitting" and went back again and started shitting 😭
The worst thing is the shirt he wore is my recent favourite color, like most if the stuff I buy and my nail color and my claw clips and my nail clipper is all that exact same shade of blue. I even bought a coffee mug a few days aho and it too was that exact shade😭
This is just a very SMALL example and as you can see I randomly clicked this pic a few days ago but there's a lot of blue around me and now I hate it.
