two (almost) ten-minute boiled eggs with black salt might JUST fix me

 i hate college so much i could cry about it for hours on end. Every single fucking aspect of college makes me hate it. I feel like i have grown as a hater because of it. Then there comes being hurt by the people i love and care about. I absolutely hate being twenty. I wish i could abandon people more easily. i do not like the human society. I can't wait to be all alone and by myself again in the next two years. Knowing myself i will probably be extroverted with my collegues as well and that will be another hell. I hope the next person i interact with isn't fucking evil. I just need a room that i like and a cat that likes me back. i hate hate hate how i feel rn, it's like an annoying kind of hate, my body isn't capable of feeling so many negative emotions at once all the time. it's 2:23 am, i was supposed to sleep by 11. I am so pissed i'll start learning cybersecurity, eat two boiled eggs and do bicle crunches for no apparent reason at all. Listening to Just by Radiohead on repeat. The 21 pilots album came out on 12th btw, i didn't even bother much. Sucks when you are too tired to put effort into the things you love. I don't like it when other people make me mad. Why is my roommate up man why why why i had planwssssssssssss. A lot of things happened with me and a lot keep happening. Today was sleeping a lot because i was already depressed about an interview i gave. I got selected for two positions, design + ui/ux lead and pr team lead. The issue is, i think both these positions are shit and i wanted something cool like aiml or web3, the worst part my interview went absolute dog shit as well. Even if i get selected by some miracle i would still hate it cause lie tf am i supposed to do? make posters?????????? idk how to make posters, the best i can do is make domuts in blender that too the 3.0 version which is like four years old. I feel terribleeeeeeeeeeeeee, i hope eating eggs make me feel better. I will start crying if they are even slightly off by how i like them.2:31 am rn. bye bye i am sleepy already.

10.09.25

 I came back home. For my dad's birthday. Today is 11. Yesterday i went out with mom to exchange something i had bought a week ago. While returning I saw. It is 12:10pm and i have lab from 2 and i still haven't left. I don't want to go back. I don't want to be in this room. I want to write. I have exams from 15. My parents brought fruits for me to take back. I want to sleep more. I don''t want to do the lab. Don't wan to return, don't want to be here. I saw how my mom pretended to not see yestersay and so did I. I remember hearing her say something but i guess i was too sleepy or it was just a part of my dream. I have started somewhat journalling, like drawing shit. I can show you the recent one, it's not complete. 

I asked like four people what to write, one of them gave me a lot of his personal quotes and shii but yea, ill figure it out. 1st sem, 2nd sem mid sem, 2nd sem, 2nd sem and now 3rd sem mid sem. Someone has to be there to ruin my exams. I am not studying again. I need to stop other people influencing my life to the point it's not my life. I am upset with a lot of people. I should brush my teeth more often. I will get vacations soon but i don't wanna have it. college bad, being 20 bad. bye bye. 

Came baack to say the new 21 pilots album will be out this 15th.