M(10)

The eyes glare at me and distort

They're always staring at me ma, I keep saying.

You've always said it's all in my head, it's all in me.

I know it's all in me and I don't want it.

What would life be if that never happened?

You're not at home, I sit with the blade in the bathroom.

I know I promised I won't maybe for the hundredth time.

I'm sorry, 

Honestly, I'd rather die but I know you like me and how much it'd break you if I was gone.

I keep holding a little longer, but there's an end to it.

It's dad's birthday today but you woke me up with gifts. 

And to you dad, in sorry for who I was.

I remember how happy you were when you saw me eat when you came back from work

Just for me to later purge it in the toilet like every other day.

I did not choose to be like this, I would never.

But things like this kept happening for all those years.

Right in front of your eyes, why didn't you see?

I'm sorry I lie a lot to you, I have this feeling that you'll dislike me for who I am, please forgive me.