Bristol visited me. At around 4:30. It was nice. I liked it but meeting her irl was so weird to me. It's like, you exist out if chats kinda stuff. Also I probably should not say so but Bristol has gotten preetier since the last time I saw her. Probably because she jyst got a haircut. It's giving "seems like a Karen but is a very sweet children's book writer". I tried teaching her to solve the Rubik's cube. It was very nice. We didn't paint though as planned. I gave her my favourite Pepe bracelet. Oh, dhe bought me a book "100 years of solitude". I saw someone reading on the bus two years ago and asked the name of the book and this was it. She also bought me thus sword shaped pen from a beach she visited, funny enough my brother also has the same. Mom made Pav Bhaji because Bristol once told me she like it but her mom didn't know hie to make it so she had to to a store whenever they wanted to eat. I used to like pav bhaji but last year I probably had to talk to His brother's wife (it was probably her birthday and mom forced me to) and she told me she's cooking Pav Bhaji today because He likes it. I hate Pav Bhaji. I dud eat a Lil bit though and then my sister came back from a class and was hungry so I gave it to get. I made a drawing but we weren't able to color it. Bristol toon the drawing anyway. I felt guilty because I wasn't able to give her something as a return gift as last tine she gave me these basin robin brownies which I loved. A big mess up was that while I was out .om told her I count calories and Bristol was like 🤓🤓🤓🤓. I am the definition of a walking red flag. Also my siblings kept asking her who's her bestfriend and I was terrified of the answer so I kept diverting the question every time. I liked it though. It kinda felt luke gurst mode but I actually like it. Personally I'd want meeting up with friends to be more casual like eating chips and idk doing what friends do.
Also weird but last time when Bristol visited me I didn't have the huge cut on my thigh (I was cutting though beck then in general) and this time I did.
17.06.24
It's around 3 pm. I receive a phone call. It's from Bristol. She invited me to the nearby mall I visited three days ago for my cousin's birthday. I say yes because I tried giving excuses buf obviously I am bad at saying no so I said yes. 5pm was the time she asked me to arrive. I reached at 5:30 because mom said Bristol would be late too. I took my sister and my cousin sister. My brother didn't go because he's too hard to handle for me as stated by my parents. It was extremely weird personally. I was kinda self conscious of my posture but the more I tried to straighten myself the more I found myself bending. Bristol's mom and maternal grandmother were at a cafe while the four if us went to timezone. Bristol had the drawing I gave ger the previous day on the back of her phoncase. My mom has a card (thanks to my uncle) we played six games, it was fun. Initially I used to step back and accidentally push Bristol so I stood at opposite ends. My sister kept hugging Bristol and she probably felt uncomfortable but despite my subtle warnings girl did not stop. I did give a lecture on way back home though. The games were fun. We all played. I kinda felt like the adult of the group probably because I was the oldest too (Bristol's birthday is on 27/06) . We went to food court. I believe I had abnormal behaviour there. I showed courage to ask someone to exchange seats as we were sixand they were only two (we had an edge seat where max four people could fit). All went downhill from there personally for me. Her grandma and mom soon joined us. My sister, Bristol and her mom went to order food while I tried taking with her grandma. Bristol asked what we'd eat and my mom called me at that instant too so I said "momo" accidentally insted of saying "whatever you want" . Mom asked me to book noodles for her. Anyway she asks if I want hot chocolate and I've never had it so I say no. She asks my sister's and if it was my sister I would denied in her place but my cousin was there so I let them choose and they obviously went with yes. Bristol cane another time to ask saying her mom asked me so I said yes. Me Bristol and my sister were waiting to carry the food. I carried the milkshakes. It was like 10×2 pieces of momos. One plate was shared among my sisters and another between me and Bristol. I did drink hot chocolate. Personally it was if chocolate milk was supposed to taste good. It was nice. Bristol didn't drink one though:/
Her mom and grandma went to a stationery shop nearby so we decided to head back to TimeZone to play this game Bristol said she liked. We played it once and were about to go when this random man payed for a second game. He was with his daughter who was probably nine. We dud play the game and he psyed for a THIRD GAME. Me and Bristol weren't playing at this point. We asked hus daughter to join us. He took her away towards the end. Sone rsndom kids joined at the end so we let them play with my sisters. We did thantly him obviously and he said something along the lines of "There's no difference between his daughter or us playing" implying were like his daughter which I find very wholesome but honestly I was questioning why would a random stranger do so. My sisters went to thank him while me and Bristol cane out and he was asking them to play a fourth game but they came back. We reached down and was time to go home. Her mom bought oil pastels for my sister's and Pastel Acrylic Colors for me. I was like whattttt mentally. We webt back home safetly. Thekind of happiness I felt was the aane when I was invited to a friend's birthday in fifth (or sixth) grade. I wasn't invited to birthdays as a kid and rarely anyone around my age let alone my school. The birthdsys I did go to were the ones of kids as old as three tbh. I have decided to make a portrait of Bristol's grandma and her mom and gift it to them.
Also His elder suster and his brother's wife had visited us a few minutes before I was leaving. Glad I was out else I would have cried myself to sleep.
18.06.24 : HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALEX HIRSH!
I cannot sleep. Today was an okay day (didn't brush/ shower/ or ate lunch or dinner). His brother's friend's wife visited us today. I like her though. She's moving nearby and has a daughter who's my brother's friend and also in the sane school as him. It was okay. I was told to buy samosas for them at around seven. I was walking but then I kinda felt anxious all of a sudden so I was replying to texts on my phone. When I almost reached the shop I just felt this weird sensation and I look up and it's Him. I was at an arm's distance to Him. He knew it was me abd was not looking at me at all. He was wearing a yellow polo and probably got a new haircut. He was carrying his brother's daughter. Today I was fixing posters on my wall carefully trying not to peel if the paint as I remove the posters but I failed. The paint of my wall was the same yellow as his tshirt.
Seeing him I was so terrified almost like I was about to die. Today was the worst reaction to seeing him tbh I had till date ig. There was thus huge kadai of boiling hot oil in a very nearby shop and I wanted to throw myself it it and make him watch and ur would still feel less painful than the mental shock I get. I turned around the corner and went to a completely different shop. I spent like fifteen minutes there. Tgen I was just walking on that road purposelessly. My chest was beating at it's max as if it would pop out right on thd road. I was sweating like a pig, I could barely breathe and my hands were literally numb, even my feet a little bit. I could feel thus sharp pain all over my body specifically at the base of my neck and my spine. I wanted to fucking die at that instant. He knows I exist. He knows. He knows I'm not far away either. After a lot of courage I i try to walk and I go to the shop I was supposed to which was next to where he was standing. I literally keep and he was no longer there. I buy the stuff and try to rush back home but I could barely walk or breathe ir hold anything at all. I felt horrible. It felt like all the happiness I gained from spending time with Bristol was like a bandaid to an amputated limb. I tried resting but my body won't . It's 2:07 am. I came to bed at 9:00.
Also the lady who visited us told us thst He's probably gonna marry and apparently His mom didn't tell my mom about it ig. Guess what, my mom was upset that His mom didn't tell us. Honestly I wanted to laugh because that's so hilarious. You're upset because his mom didn't tell you the date he marries but not because of the things he dud to your daughter?
It's 2:10 and my sister is sleep taking, loudly. I'm scared. It's technically 19.06.24.
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