Also the fact that it happened and was happening AGAIN and my kid opened up to me now, would make me report the police, WHOEVER the SAer was. And because I have a "kid" under eighteen, I beleive the government would take some action, because it's not that common and it doesn't happen to everybody (I wish). Also, I would go completely no contact and cut ties off if it was s family member and if anyone supposed thst family I'd go no contact with them too. Additionally, I would seek some sort of help for my kid or atleast talk to them because they're young and whatever they experienced isn't what a typical childhood be like, but that's just me y'all.
Ad per for my mom, she deserves a pat on her shoulder for not allowing him to enter the house and even SLAPPING him ONCE. Like can you imagine how she stood up for her own daughter? Like wow, she atleast deserve some sort of Nobel peace prize or some shit. Like no mom with a kid who was sexually abused could pull this off. Not to forget that my mom deserves an award for maintaining family relations too like, "their son might have SA'd my daughter for a month (she didn't believe he did it to me as a kid, plainly denied and said that's how people love kids, sure mom, sure.) but that won't stop me from being a family woman because relations are important."
"Relations are important", what about the one we have mom? What do you think about it? I'm more disgusted by your touch than of any stranger. It's like torture when you make me interact with his family, every. single. time. You even took me to his home is early 2022 of not 2021. I told you SEVERAL times how I don't want to and it makes uncomfortable but that doesn't matter to you, family matters to you, mom am I not family to you?
I know you wouldn't provide me with any sort of help and blame every symptoms I get from it, on me saying it's my fault but atleast don't interrupt my forgetting process. I try to forget but you keep bringing them over and making me talk. Every time I see his mom I want to fucking punch her and ask is it really safe to marry his son this year? What if he SA's his own child?
Also the fact you take my siblings to visit their house while he is there is purely diabolical to me like are you actually clinically insane?
A man just SA'd your daughter for a month of not years and your logical response to that is "oh let's visit his home, sure he won't SAvmy other kids🤓". Like omg mom you slapped him so hard once you took out the pedophile out of him, you're so cool mom, should I go say him sorry for blaming him for the past four years?
You tell me you've also been a teenage girl blah blah, is it mom? Are you sure we are having the same teenage experience? Your parents didn't let you study further and you didn't let me live further.
We lived in a one bed room apartment in the early phases he did it. Did you not question yourself where did the dide and your daughter disappear and why is rge only room in your house dark and locked?? Like tell me wasn't it that obvious?
No matter how much I convinced myself to get over it and that it's over I simply cannot. I think I'm getting better but I'm actually getting worse. It's not a one time event that I can forget it. Heck I don't even remember the whole thing. It's ruining my life I feel. The thing that bothers me the most is sometimes how random actions, faces, phrases, smell, etc remind me of him. It's horrible living like this. I might be making a big deal out of it especially if it's over but it really seems to get over it.
I don't plan on committing suicide anymore to not be a failure even for my last breath. I feel so actively suicidal lately. Its not like I don't wanna kill myself anymore it's more like I want to die but I want it to be framed as an accident or something. Dying from an illness is too painful. It's so sad that some people want to live but yet they die.
I really am looking to die in the near future. Academic validation is a huge thing for me but my grades are so low, average at most. Academics is the only thing I pursued actively over the years and I'm still failing at that. No lasting friends for most of my school life, no sports or anything. Just school. Watching TV at the most. Still failing. I wasted so much of my parents money thinking I'm actually capable to get into a good college but I'm terrible and I should die. It's hard to live on an everyday basis with what I feel. Ineant to die. I have this feeling to simply not exist.
Life would be better if I never existed. I want to die. I want to die in an accident. I've tried somewhat but I simply don't. It's a sign for me to try harder, to mam up and actually be brave and serious about killing myself.
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