Because I'm HER kid.
My siblings take swimming classes. My mom always gives me a lot of food on my plate and even when I tell her I can't eat it BEFORE I even touch the food she'll be like "then throw it" knowing how much I despise throwing food.
Anyway so I obviously overate and my stomach was paining. My mom told me to take my siblings (and a cousain who is around my siblings age and is currently with us) to swimming class. I would do it without hesitation if my mother was unable to go. But no!
His brother's wife had to come to OUR apartment to do HER facial. Like there's no point. I really had a terrible stomachache and it was hard to walk. I told my mom and she's like "But she's family" as if a am a complete unknown stranger. After a lot of pleading and asking if the wife could come at a different time or something my mom didn't agree and ended it with "okay then just cancel their class" like she knows I wouldn't want that. So I had to go drop them and the ladies there kept asking me questions making me feel more like an academic failure, and it's not like they dotn know, they know every single thing. Then this lady asked my high school percentage knowing I passed a year ago AND my mom had already told her. I tried being honest and said 75 but when I asked my mom what she'd told her, mom had told her 80 or 85 something. So I made my mom look like a liar. And I feel awful about it. I want to end his entire fucking bloodline and because I'm in his bloodline too I want to kill myself. Also a lady told me to hold her baby and it was liek a year old and he kept kicking my stomach which made thw pain worse.
Unrelated but the pain in my breasts keep increasing every passing second like no way will I ever be a mother because what if I turn out like mine? So in a way my breasts are a vestigial organ and I want to chop em off.
I am able to sleep three hours with getting up in between at night. From like 2am to 5am. That kalpana lady also slept three hours starting midnight. I get these terrors. As if I'm not aline someone is watching me, someone is there to hurt me. It's so scary. There's so much. Also im not losing weight.
I would've been okay if it was any other relative honestly because again, family but then my mom literally fucking ALWAYS choses him over me. Mom, am I not family enough?
When we were coming back my dad didn't let me make my bed because there were men in the lower berth and I had the upper berth. Now this would be nice but then ehy dud he never even mention what happened to me. Why was I left alone to get over with as if it's an everyday mishap, which it was in the literal sense. He would do that everyday for nearly a month. Everyday. And after it ended he didn't even care to talk to me about it. He always stays silent. It's almost funny. I'd be getting raped it front of him and he'd still keep quite or yell at me later as if it was my fault. No dad, you're the one who kept quite so quit acting to protect me. You couldn't protect me as a kid or a teen do you really think you could protect me as an adult?
Also, a few days ago mom was not home and told me she wanted the house clean when she comes back. I tidyed up her room and went to the living room. My brother comes in and fucking jump on the bed and makes a mess. I pinch his leg and he starts crying and I tell him " if you don't stop crying,I will hit you way worse" and as I said that I could hear my mom saying it to me. I felt terrible. I'm slowing becoming liek my mom, I knew it'd happen. What I fear is what if I turn out like him too?
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