How did I find out? Well, my mom bought chips for my sister but I really wanted to eat it, so I gave her money to buy herself a new one and ate hers. A week or two later I ask my sister if she ever bought chips with the money, and she said she didn't need to. I asked and she said HE bought it for her. She was coming back from her classes, they both encountered, and he encouraged my sister to buy chips from him.
Today I wanted to go out, so I took my siblings with me and his eldest sister tapped on my shoulder. She was accompanied by his brother's wife. I believe both of them don't know what he did to me because both of them casually mentioned his engagement. I wanted to learn more about his wedding, but I didn't because I know that would hurt.
It was Bristol's birthday on 27th. All I gave her was a shitty ass word document. It was horrible. I had a list of gifts planned but I didn't get the stuff on time to complete it. I've known Bristol for nine years now. This classmate of hers who barely knows Bristol for a year gave her a HANDMADE CUP. I was filled with jealousy and hated. Idk why. I mean if you wanna give something buy it, like a pen or anything, maybe a book. I associate handmade gifts as a symbol of love and dedication. I couldn't stand someone giving Bristol a handmade gift that also before me. Even none of OUR friends give Bristol handmade stuff. Definitely not a cup. I was planning to make similar stuff for her next birthday, but that bitch ruined it. I feel horrible for being such a possessive friend but it's just that how could she. Is she tryna fight me? Something I've wanted and actually got was being friends with Bristol. I would never want that taken away from me. As the years go by it only gets hard to keep friends around, especially with my poor interaction and lack of words. I really do like Bristol and would want to be friends with her as long as it can last. But if that girl proves herself as a better friend than me then our friendship might break off which would make me really upset.
Kailey is back. I feel like there are three main people I look up to on edtwt. Well two, the other one is simply concerning. The first one is Kailey as mentioned. She was born on 28th December 2004. She went from 160 pounds and is currently 68 pounds. She really dud change me. She simply ate pbj, for months. Along with her vitamins. Last time she was online was May of 2023. As much as I aspire to be as determined as her, I was concerned about her as she was hospitalized by the end of 2022, probably October. She did come back a few days ago. I feel sorry for her. There were many comments on her last post asking about her health and guess what she only replied to MINE. There were 88 comments and mine is the one she replied to. My comment was not new or had many likes. It almost feels like winning a lottery. She chose me! Now it's my turn.
The second person being Xihan. I was anonymously going through edtwt and came across her. I did find her a few months later on my actual account because she's so funny. She too went from 160lbs to ig BMI 13, atleast. She's 5'1. Currently she's BMI 16 probably.
The third one is a genuinely sad case of Lucida or Lucinda. Idk her spelling. She's severally underweight. She's 25+ years and has a BMI somewhere between 9 to 11 which is obviously very scary.
I chose to use these names as it wouldn't reveal their identity or their twitter handles.
Taking about me, I weight 57kgs. It just doesn't seem to decrease and that's because I'm not trying enough. I skip breakfast almost everyday. I avoid snacking. I reduce my portions for lunch. I've tried stopping eating mangoes but my mom forces me sometimes. Plus, I happen to go out sometimes including birthdays of kids in my apartment I HAVE to attend. I can purge, I do purge sometimes but I feel awful. I try to eat less even there but it simply doesn't work. There's another birthday on 7th. My grandma went back today so it's just me and my siblings and parents.
On 2nd I visited a friend, where Bristol and another friend came. As soon as I entered the room her mom went " you've grown thin!!!"
On 3rd there was a birthday and the woman saw me and went "don't do diets, eat well, you've grown so much thinner"
On 4th I went out to but spices for my mom and a lady in my apartment saw me and went "you've grown so thin, eat!!"
Today, on 5th mom was on a call with my cousin sister and she said " you've become super thin, eat well, else it'll be hard"
It's almost like a streak of hearing how thin I've become but that's jot validating at all because I've actually gained weight. A lot of weight. I barely drink water or go on walks, both of which help me lose weight in a consistent manner.
On 2nd the other friend who joined us apart from Bristol said she was actually flown to another state to see a doctor as she kept fainting. Turns out the doctor just told her to eat. She had her exams going on and would throw out the food as it'd get cold. Bristol asked her for how long she can go without food, and she said easily two days. I tried not to be competitive and asked about her current health and if she's okay but then I wished it was me. All I'm losing is my hair.
Today Melbourne texted me and she wrote "I don't eat" followed by "kidding" when I asked her if she eats nightingales to make her voice so sweet. I know Melbourne probably suffers with similar stuff as me but what bothers me is the attention she gets while I try to hide mine. I want to thin. Super thin.
I pressed my arms on the scale with a lot of force and that was how much Kailey weighed. Kailey weighs as much as my tensed arms. Fascinating.
The other day I was crying because I wanted to die. I was desperate to die from an "accident". I really don't want to make it past this year. What kept me alive to see 2022 was Rick and Morty season 6. I really like Demon Slayer, but they'll release new stuff (trilogy) in 2026 at the latest and I can't wait that long so I've decided to read the manga. Lil Peep died a few days after turning 21.
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