INTERNAL MONOLOGUE SHUT THE FUCK UP

Not continuing any post. I am cooked. They broke down the basketball court. I'm balls deep into bulimia and girls around me will casually starve themselves. I wore a sleeveless dress with a V cut neckline and a thigh slit for an event (girls only) and then for judged, hard (the other girls were wearing similar fits if not shorter). The next day I wore a full sleve shirt to class and one girl is comparing my fits like girl stfu. She also randomly all of a sudden pressed my cheeks (face) from behind while I was doing my work. This otehr girl smacks people's ass without their consent so I told her not to do mine before hand and she's like " You don't habe any". Okay. This guy in my class likes me and I don't know how to talk to him. He's part of the same friend group I'm in and well the entire friends group feels like a situationshio to me tbh. I went to play badminton and one of the guy in the friend group said to his friend "that's her" and the other guy in the friend group gave him looks while I pretended to act dumb. Imagine having a crush on ME. Like I've always know I was ugly so like why would you choose me out of all the girls also I act nice but that's mostly because I'm a people pleaser. I can't see shit so i'll be getting a new pair of glasses. I hate everyone in college and I hate everything about it. Not one single soul I like. I hate boys in general though. They make me feel weird. If I don't get atleast 9 cgpa nothing will be worth it and no one will like me. They don't like me now can't imagine me with a low grade. I am so scared. I don't study much. I hate everyone, I just want to live with Bristol but if she gets to actually know me she'll hate me too. I had started wearing shorts for basketball and my roomate one day accidentally noticed the scar on my leg and well I told her I got as a kid. I keep seeing him in my dreams. I can never sleep safe. I feel so haunted. I hate having an eating disorder. Restrict binge purge chew spit over exercise fast more, starve more. I'll never be 88lbs. I keep getting older each day. I hate myself so much. I need to so something.

JUST SAW THE DATE HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIL PEEP LOVE YOU FOREVER 🕊️.

y'all

Not completing my previous posts. What happened TODAY is that I was at basketball practice and the ball was deflated so I went to the sports room and this one boy I lowkey look up to (he plays well and is the same age as me) came to help out of ALL the other other people ( being my delusional self) AND if felt SO weird and I probably did silently laugh but like I'm on my knees and he's standing directly in front of me and yk what position. Teh worst part is i had to insert this tube in the hole in a ball and it felt so weird. And this guy he's pumping and I'm just like hmmmmmmm. Hmmmmm. Brain empty like what the fuck it wa sso weird. Chat, I'm prolly in my straight era☹️