him, again.

I've been visiting home lately and I haven't seen him irl. Rarely this year. The issue is, I'm having nightmares of him again. In ine of them he was assaulting me again and this time he was actually successful and I was older. Last night I had a dream that I got texts from him. I stalk him and his wife on social media. My mom tells me about him as well everytime I visit. She's like he did love marriage and his wife was so deserving but she did love marriage and ruined her life. Sometimes I see him in the people around me and sometimes I see him when I'm alone. So many sexual assault and rape cases in my country, especially in my state. I'm so scared. I rarely go out, that too alone when I'm at home. I'm so scared. I try to advocate for sexual assault cases in my college campus and stand up for it but it all feels like a pretence because I in fact am very weak. I cannot keep up this persona of me being funny and cool and an idgafer. Also I broke up with my so called boyfriend. I'll tell you about my boyfriend history in another post. It's been a while since I've talked to Bristol. It's always April that brings out the distance between us. Ah, I miss her.