is what my roomate said to me five minutes ago. I swear to god sometimes she says such freaky shit and there i am the icon of asexuality with my straight face like "oh sure go ahead" no like this time tho i actually got up (to take my laptop to write this post) and she's like " are we doing this fr" like ofcourse why not . eh anyway we doing pretty good tbh and she tends to like me more since i got my haircut an glasses and i am in better living conditions. my room is clean and i shower daily and brush atleast once, if these don't check out for you atleast maybe things are very wrong.
returning from my previous poat, god knows what communal love i feel for people but yea i am not a huge fan of anything associated with college so aahahhh no someone is coming to my room fuckkkkkkk.
anyway, so yes, i was on a daily study streak except last two days. i hate it when i feel bad/ not get my work done/ sleep less because of other people who i don't even care enough about. i do not care if you're texting two guys and think it's totally fine trust. i mean yea i care somewhat and i tried explaining but whatver. i did all my classes this week, tried paying attention to most, i try keeping in mind what i'm doing all this for. all of this. actually yesterday i was thinking how i ended up here like with science. like i did plan on taking it but obviously the way things were back then i would't really take this. whatever reason it was it still has m e going which is nice. really nice. really. i really want to put in effort and get a good job. I do pretty well by myself and my roomate is good enough. we don't interact much but like it's alright, we are okay. things keep happening on twitter and irl. yesterday i woke really late (at 7 something instead of 2 or even 5) and i didn't feel like studying so i went to class early to sit there and study. this friend is pissed that i didn't call her like ??? anyway she was rude to me the entire day. today she tells me it was hormonal medicine. well i'm pretty sure hormonal medicine does not make you a bitch to hurt just one single person and be nice to others. either way i knda did not let it bother me and was pretty normal and today she was back to being good with me, not an issue tbh. what an issue is was me seeing my twitter yesterday, terrible. everytime i opened it something happed. one of those people were faking it and they got exposed today. also people breaking up like jubi and her boyfriend broke up, dahlia and her girlfriend broke up, irl in my college someone broke up. also xihan logged in after i guess years and we talked a little. she's nice. as much as i like twitter it's very scary. i saw this girl yesterday and she's what i could have been. everybody manages their shit i guess. i also got wet in the rain today. i don't really get sick often as some of my friends might say as wellbut um yea i am trying to be as healthy as possible because let me tell you something, i am fucked. my subjects might be interesting but likr any real relationship it take efforts and dedication instead of plain admiration. i am up for it though, i have my main inspirations, imma state it again if i haven't already: 1. michael reeves 2. serial experiments lain 3. rick and morty and so much more. i keep thinking of the movies i've watched and want to watch. I was about to watch "close" a 2022 movie but didn't. i will soon tho. somehow every movie i watch is lgbtq in someway or if it isn't it has sex in it which is well kinda weird or it's something that makes me feel exposed(?). i wish there was a solution. I was thinking about the apple scene from "water lilies" and honestly yea. yea. i wanna rewatch it cause marie gets it. kinda.
today i was in maths class and my teacher was teaching fourier and was refrencing to series and those tests we had in 1st sem like cauchy and root which i didn't give one flying fuck about but yea and all of a sudden this girl who sat beside me, she's lowkey a friend just says something that made me disoriented the entire day like hahahahha yes yes you are correct like i won't write what she said but she just randomly asks " oh you have skin disease" and i thought she was referencing to my fingers which had gotten pretty bad but nope she was referring to something else and says she assumed it was something else (she was correct) and i was like no no that;s skin disease and she literally pointed out each and every single one. her roomate did the same thing (in a much more creepy way) a few months ago. also the girl who was pissed with me yesterday wiped her glasses with my microfibre cloth the day before even after i told her not to, i was pissed about that. i mean yea i am an older sibling i should share which i do but i don't like you enough.
If you feel like you absolutely hate me and want to extract revenge from me and watch me in pain there are a lot of things you can do but the one which will give you the most pleasure is playing famous prophets (stars) and make sure you follow it by twin fantasy (those boys) to watch me get absolutely CRUSHED.
honestly tho, twin fantasy (MtM is something that will probably never leave me. it's been a more than a month. today i woke up and i was like "i wan to listen to bodys NOW". it's safe to say i like the entire album now. i like a lot of albums completly but this one's slightly different. will toledo the man you are. fuck. this guy texted me. no. i have lowkey decided mentally that i genuinely want to talk to only two guys in my entire college, both are my friends, like actually friends. one says very out of the box weird shit and is like an aunty, the other is kinda like a sibling who will be a hater. both are okay. even the other guys in my class are pretty ok. guys i don't wanna talk to are many. yesterday this girl asks me do i like this particular guy and i was like "????????" like do you not see my likes on videos of men kissing on insagram? i can send them to you personally if you want me to. no but like seriously i am dedicated to one and one man only who is jeasus christ (will toledo). i like will toledo so much i have his picture everywhere. he dosen't show up in my dreams tho. some people do though and that works too. today, that above mentioned guy asks me where i am and i was with the pissed girl in canteen so i tell him that, i realised i didn't tell him that i was with her and things got weird. i had to give him a cricket ball because i had one on my room and he plays cricket so yea. we could be nice friends though i absolutely love bulling the opposite sex. tody was a weird day but it's alright because i won't be repeating patterns. i believe i need to stay away from people who tend to influence me. also god knows what goes on min my head but in class i was like "would i attend college from 9 to 5 or get bet up with a rod in the same time duration" and i randomly blurted out out of nowhwhere "i want an asexual husband" which even made me like "what?". actually i was thinking about gojo back then, the anime character. i don't want to go to the movies tomorrow. i still haven't watched th eeight episode of rick and morty. the girl who poined out my "skin disease" was giving me advice on how i should take an hour nap instead of sleeping by seven. she literally does lab and maybe one class like girl ok wow thanks. my shoulders are pretty terrible tbh (will toedo won't be impressed). i wish instead of wtching whatever movie we are watching i could watch one of my favourite movies for the first time. i want to write more but i don't have much to say. also i have searched twin fantasy so much on twitter i got a related post on my feed lol.
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