Still we reuse the cels

 i might not wake up with a purpose everyday but i do wake up with a car seat headrest song in mind. today it's reuse the cels, yesterday it was fill in the blank, America (never been) before that. As much as i love will toledo and his band car seat headrest i find it really hard to believe he wrote "Living while starving", not just the song It's only sex (even though it's the one i listen to most) but the entire album. Today I will be reusing the cels. 

I'm happier. I think I haven't been better ever since this year started. It's not like good things didn't happen to me it's just that it brought me no pleasure. I try listening to other artists but Car Seat Hwadrest it is everyday. I actually wasn't doing early this month either but then i don't know how but yes i'm happy. The best thing for me is I'm able to sleep at night. I think for the first time in five years I slept actually in my room that too alone, it was the night before i was coming back. I'm met Bristol on ig 12th and then 13th was really nice as well. I watched Sonic 3 with my brother and then we went out together for idk what nut yea we had to buy stuff. We brought snacks and ate stuff, last time i did that was 23rd of January or either 2021 or 2022. I don't like being out on my own and I kinda feel weird having to be with my siblings nowadays because it's more like I can't protect them, they know way more karate than I'll ever know. Oh and i was searching the term "pansexual" on google because people kept calling the villian that. fake tumblr and twitter user. Oh and i spent 300 on a movie ticket with my friends, i'll go on saturday. I don't even watch movies like that plus i wanted to eat this certain shawarma since the last three months ahhhh i hate peer pressure. You best believe i do not like romance movies, it's just idk man kissing? sex?(sex reminds me of like three movies i watched where the husband and wife were shown to do that, it was important to the plot but you best believe i did NOT wanna watch that) i can write ten rom coms at the moment, WHERE IS THE YEARNING. I would rather watch the 20th anniversary re relaease of brokeback mountain.  the movie was nice, i just don't like cowboys. When i saw Jack Twist i was like bro we lowkey a bit similar. Oh and a guy from my class got inspired and made that call me by your name bracelet and now he wears it everyday. He's my friend, i told him "i know what you are", i don't. Actually I don't like the movie but it's a good movie and people take it the wrong way, i like it a way that it portrays things. I really thought it was a movie about a father and his son when watching it at fifteen. Most of the movies that ave gay couples in it has me assuming that istg, i'm sorry. still guilty i don't have water lilies in my letter boxd top 4 but man i love mysterious skin. I'm also saving up to buy new shoes next month or maybe the month after that. will toledo wants me to get a job. 

My so called friends are nice and so is my roommate, it's my general hate towards everything related to college that just doesn't let me be myself with them fully. They give a fuck, which I'm glad and grateful but then not that very necessary. I get so tired from college i sleep around seven pm everyday and wake up around one or two. I keep my room clean and i shower daily despite the weather being a bitch which does not allow me to dry my cloths. I also try to brush twice but i fall asleep every night. I'm studying but i need to be a bit more efficient. 

There's this feeling or more like a version of myself that I'm trying to hold on to. I'm doing all my classes even if my friends are skipping them. It's hard to understand because i didn't study ece or maths in the last year, we also have stuff from electrical. ugh. this semester is long so i believe to get some grip of it. I really want to score a full ten in this analog circuits course because my professor said it's the bread and butter of my course. My maths professor said our syllabus is super easy and um yea it isn't for me. Jake Gyllenhaal is to me this year what Ryan Gosling was to me last year. Talented fellas, both of them. Tyler just posted the fake tracklist for the album after all those leaks and well let's just say he is super funny. Oh and what could i hate more than WhatsApp? Instagram. hated facebook ever since i was a kid. Meta is not in my favour. I keep saying "i love you will toledo" in my head atleast once a day but then i was thinking if i would ever say that t him irl and do i even mean it and the answer is no. I do appreciate it tho. His current self would probably be like "hi" to me and probably call me slurs and stay away. I feel like his self say ten years ago could have been friends with me though, would still call me slurs tho. I don't know though. my acne is under control and i feel blessed. Drink enough water people even if it's raining and even if you have to piss the entire day. I had a pack of chips and like a lil bit of coke zero with black salt at like 5 because i was hungry, they give breakfast at 8 here and it's 6:28 am right now. I am trying to condition myself to "love" my subjects, i mean yes they seem cool but also hard, scary. I am doing well, I just have to try hard. I feel sad for both my friends tho. Bristol has her exams coming up and the weather is terrible but her professors are even worse. It's funny how i dont' know them but i hate them more than some people ik irl. I really don't think i can help her out much, invent extra time so that she can study and rest. Melbourne is just well yea, doing bad. I'm not even gonna elaborate. She said her boyfriend was gonna visit this month and i hope he does so that she feels better in some way. I really don't know how to help people but I'm trying to help myself so i can be of some use in the future atleast. Reuse the cels is such a beautiful song, William Barnes you really felt your emotions. I'm so glad Bristol likes Car seat headrest (and Sufjan) although i got to know both from her tbh. I don't know people who like the same artist so it's nice to talk to her, also flatsound. drink more water and sleep seven hours atleast and brush your teeth twice and eat well and shower daily and keep your room clean and study. things will be okay for everyone, i hope. I'll go do calculus, i love it lately.