I've been up since like the last three days. Not like totally awake though like i slept for ig 3 hours day before in the afternoon and yesterday again. I have this sense of comfort in sleeping when the sun is out. Yesterday was nice. Mom wasn't pissed because i cleaned the entire house before everyone woke up (i had to do SOMETHING lowkey bored) and um dad assumed that i js took a nap and that my sleep schedule is fixed. Like Will Toledo says, not the truth but something that sounds like it. Also i was very self-conscious and did not listen to Twin Fantasy (MtM obviously) first thing but rather Sufjan Stevens. When i did sleep in the afternoon flatsound was playing and i didn't realise. Went out today, with my dad. I didn't wanna but he went out with me when i wanted to get my glasses. Most shops were closed. I don't like it when people stare at me on the street, never did. Bodys and Cute Thing are my least heard songs, especially Cute thing because well let's say i'm not horny and a furry but today i was listening to it, not because of those reasons but i just thing it's a fun song. Even listening to it right now.
"When you marry", "when you have in-laws", "when you have kids", well GLAD! because today i finished watching We need to talk about Kevin and the next time she mentions any of these phrases i will be watching that movie with her. Although honestly what i should watch is probably Everything Everywhere All at Once. We'll see. I mean i am a bit concerned about a few scenes especially the one where Ezra Miller continues jerking while making eye contact with his mom when she accidently entered, and a few other scenes but hey! I'm 20, not even like 18, pretty legal for me to watch i'd say.
Also ironed my siblings' uniform this morning and oh my god my back was contemplating suicide so i listened to the entire album titled "My back is killing me baby". I don't even know where the time is going by. I was contemplating if I'm good at redirecting conversations or if people are aware but let it slide anyway. When i was out with my dad he brought up my grades so I started telling him how I hate the shop we were gonna go to, too bad for me because when i returned mom made me pull up my result because I had just told my score.
Continuing my saga as a terrible friend, so i was on a meet with this girl who lived next to me, we are kinda friends, i don't text anyone so yea we decided to catch up on meet. I had forgotten her birthday oh my god, she asked me to wish on 20th october and ig this gave me deja vu which means i had forgotten it last year as well. You see my memory is weak ahhhh. So she was showing me pictures and yea it was all cool, next it was my turn, well to bad I only have Will Toledo and other things that I'm not very willing to show. She plays basketball as well and is good at it. Then we were watching videos but i was on my phone (the reflection in my glasses fuck) and she did ask if i wanna watch something else but i was like it's alright. We were supposed to talk today but i din't feel like it tbh. Mind you this was just one friend. I have atleast wait let me count yes atlest 5 people with whom i had some activity planned with but never showed up or lied or ignored ahhh. Can Will Toledo stop yelling "i am love" in my ears. Then we have texting back people or texting people first asking how they are. Also I'll never be a true letterboxd user ever because how tf do people have 150+ movies in just three months, i really wanna know what jobs these people have or are they just depressed, I mean i used to watch six to seven movies a day and i was not having fun. Also, I keep seeing people saying how simple things were when they were younger and how they miss it and want to go back. I don't really have any aspect I'd like to go back to particularly, but I do miss how every emotion wasn't complicated. There were weird emotions definitely but lately feeling things without getting too deep into it is hard also what's up with people's behaviors it feels so unpredictable. I wish i could sleep at a reasonable hour. I love Will Toledo because he does write about some of my issues, I wish he had a song on gut/gut health as well. Got these bananas today and omg never had that great of a banana in the past few years. Last year dad brought this pineapple, and I would definitely get a boner if i was capable of that but yea some fruits are just amazing, although i started liking pears less even though i loved them as a kid, had so many. Dad asked if i wanted to buy coconut today and i was wondering where my love for it went then remembered. Do people really outgrow things or do they get better at not letting it affect that much. Nobody is really okay, i need to talk to less people and i need to stop acting to being nice or anything really. Let's see how that works okay. I'm doing really good since the past three days than i ever did in the last two months only issue is that i wanna eat rn and my sibling at all the snacks. Mom really be saying things she shouldn't except she isn't aware as always. My sister tries to copy me which is well normal but then yea I hope she doesn't do it too much. Trying to keep an eye on both of them. Oh, and when we were walking, I tried to click a picture of the sky and dad stopped and said i could take my time. I liked that. I like it when my parents are actually nice and not pretending to be. I don't want to go back to college and I don't want to go back to my roommate and I don't want to have any new roommate next year, god it is very scary but also kinda exciting that i am actually thinking about the future lately. It's almost 5am, I have likes piles of cloths to iron oh my god, will get to cleaning then study. Mom is aware that I don't like being at home and that I want to leave. I love raindrops on leaves really made me happy today. I don't like the rainy weather tho. Why can my skin not be nice for once god i hate acne. It's been raining all night even now pretty heavily. I like the color, it's this low saturated dark teal which appears slightly green. I want to eat noodles. Dad said we'll go out today as well. I like going out with my parents, or even just a single parent. There definitely is some tension but i enjoy it, the company.
IT IS JULY EIGHT ALREADY? THIS GUY TEXTED ME ASKING IF I WANNA PLAY MINECRAFT WITH HIM AS HE RETURNS TO HIS HOSTEL TODAY AND I WAS LIKE WHY SO EARLY FUCK MY CLASSES OFICIALLY START FROM TOMORROW EVEN THOUGH I WILL BE GOING A WEEK LATER MAN I AM SO SO SO TERRIFIED I HAVE A LOT OF SHIT LEFT TO GET DONE, WILL BRUSH UP ON ECE FROM SEM 2 HAD ENOUGH OF A VACATION LITERALLY WASTED AROUND 40 DAYS WHAT A PRIVELEDGE WILL NEVER DO IT AGAIN THO.
taking my words back today not a good day cause just saw a video on Duolingo's downfall. I have 1800+ streak, that's five years AND MORE oh my god i hate it when people come for my relationships like leave me and my green bird alone.
not ruined again oh em gee my dad brought a newspaper, he said he was sorry yesterday because he couldn't find one yesterday but today he brought one and it's raining rn as well man js 7:15 ffff
Mannn, oki so I was watching Rick and Moty in the balcony while folding laundry (without earphones) and dad walks in and says, "you too watch these?" And I was lowkey mortified like um dad um yes do you know about this cartoon?????? Hahahahah. I like watching adult cartoons a lot tbh, cartoons in general. Like kids one are obviously nice but like with adult ones you get depression as well. And also um he asks if I was up all night which I deny and he goes "it's okay" like y'all is my dad on sertraline or whattttt
Oh my god I love rick and morty. Ik Justin was a creep even though we share the same birthday and he shares the same birthyear as my mom but like I literally look forward to this show every year. I hope it keeps on continuing until I die, please please please let me have this.
What is my mom on she tells me how i'm gonna get nowhere then tells me when i get a job she'll buy a car and an apartment. she kept saying "decent salary" and i was like what amount do you think that is and she goes atleast 2 lakhs and i was like "as a beginner?" she goes yea why like i thought i will be earning to support my siblings education but yea and yea she did bring up marriage again oh my god but it was in respect to redecorating this apartment and not having kids so i did not bring up the movie. I never thought i would say this as a kid but i need to have less friends i can't keep talking to everyone all day especially people i don't like (like the girl who was stroking tigger). I honestly just want an apartment which has one room an living room not too big and a washroom and a kitchen and a baclony, i would say that's decent to wish for, and i would like to paint it in my favorite colors and cover the walls how i like i hate this fuckass yellow room. Was watching Brokeback Mountain, gay cowboys or sum shit, i get it why they liked it on tumblr.
Never going on reddit i again, i mean i am mostly active there lately because of hints for the new twenty one pilots album but i came across this trending post where a girl is missing who has the same name as me and we are the same age and kinda look alike except she's not from my state oh gee, also told my mom how heroin is done, thanks to the movie requiem for a dream i am a heroin expert, tad bit concerned she was.
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