it's me, I'm the problem.

So I have a copy of"a little life" and "the pearl that broke it's she'll" in my room. Two girls cane to my room to randomly chat. This one girl was flipping through the books and found this bookmark I made two years ago. I had written about killing myself and I had oeinred it with blood and there were prints of my cuts on that bookmark. Stuff about killing myself. Nobody really goes through stuff like these, not even my mom do I didn't care much. Now this girl grabbed this bookmark, and I was so panicked I resched to grab it from her hand but she raised her hand instead and I accidentally grabbed her breast. This us horrible. Both of them played it cool. I eventually stepped back and she gave me the bookmark and I tore it abd threw it. I apologised several times but obviously that doesn't reverse the fact that I actually groped her. I definitely did not do this purposely and it was a mere accident. I don't know if I should genuinely kill myself because I did something bad to an innocent person that had previously happened to me. I swore I would not repeat his actions to take out my anger but am I becoming like him? I won't give her anything because it would be bribing, like how he tried to offer me his burger that day

 So no, I can oly ask for forgiveness or ask her to hurt me back. I am becoming bad. I am so sorry. My father was right, I am a MONSTER.

Told my mom about this and she said it's okay, not to apologise so much. I hate myself.