I mostly prefer girls in any setting rather than boys beacuse that is the environment I grew up in. Here though it triggers the fuck out of me. A few minutes ago I was drying my clothes ans this flatmate(let's caller her pp, her initals) shows out of nowhere and tries to pick me up fom behind her hands wrapping below my chest. I told her to let go but she persisted. She's shorter and thinner than me so no way she could have picked me up up still it's so weird. No way a boy would do that to me and get away with it so why does she get away with it. I don't like being touched AT ALL. But here, especially in the hostel it's so hard to avoid. Holding hands, hand's around my neck, simply placing your hand on any part of my body, touching my face, hair, etc. No. Don't do that. Please. The things with touching my neck is that it triggers the absolute fuck out of me. Idk if this is normal but it's been maybe ten minutes since she last touched me and I can still feel the sensations below me and the area is lowkey numb. I absolutely HATE being touched. Even my siblings don't hug me what gives you more right over them? Plus I've barely known these people and they pull up with this shit. I was on a call with my mom and this girl came and touched my face and I just smiled at the girl. Mom was shocked, and I told her I pretend which she obviously understood. I do tell these people to not toch me but they just don't listen. Also my roomate will sometimes use terms like "babey" or "darling" or similar terms and that too feels weird because even though I have two friends who are the same age as her and won't feel this uncomfortable because in their case they were my classmates but here she is a senior, there's a hierarchy and she's older than me in that respect. I just wish people would realise that if someone of the opposite sex reacted the same way they do to them would they be comfortable. People need to understand personal boundaries.
About my day, shitty. Didn't go for basketball practice. Sat in the first bench and my opps friend sat next to me. She was pretty ok tbh but ik she's not always like that and was pretending but whatever. Classes were fine. Calculus was horrible as usual. Gave my name for a fasion show last night (for non academic points) and met this girl and omg was she gorgeous I felt self aware, I was the ugliest rat in the world. I'm sure she judged me hard.i though she'd ghost me after seeing me but didn't, till now. Also met with two more boys and sighed myself for a coding competition in a different college on 4th October (class day, Friday) the interaction was okay. Now in class, this boy,
Ig he has a crush on me/ wants something from me/is being a normal human trying to interact/etc.
On my first practical class he asks me my name and my interests. We walk to the elevator but then I ghost him mid conversation. Two later he sits behind me and I ignore him. He starts sitting in my spot so then I start sitting behind him. He is in the same public speaking class taht i took. He knows I play basketball and toom archery that happens right next to where I play basketball. One class I couldn't copy from the board so he gives me his notebook. In the public speaking class i get a call from my professor as there was a mass munk and he tells me what to say to the professor. He then insists I need to get a "trest6" cause I saved all my classmate. I shrug it off. Next day which was today he again comes to me and mentions about giving me a "treat" so I tell him to help me understand multivariable calculus. He agrees. During the break he asks if he could sit next to me and I said okay. He aslo came to practice archery but left a few mins after I saw him. Idk if he has a crush on me cause that would be insane there are way better girls than me in every way possible. I think he's just being a normal friend/wants me to vote him for class representative/ wants something from me, probably academic help. Either way, if he does have a crush it's gonna get crushed soon cause I'm a horrible person and he'll realise that and leave me for good.
Now, after class I go to the canteen to buy stuff for my family as I'm going back home and I come across this classmate who is with other three of our classmates but i don't know when. Anyway he buys an extra fruit juice and gives it to me. I don't accept it initially but then I take it.
Now walking back to my hostel I see him and hsi friends on the way, I wave at them but he calls me there. I go and and he asked me if I want to go out with them to a park (I've went there several times). I let him know I'm going back home and that I've been to the park several times and I wish them a great time and walk away. It's was weird to me cause like you want me to come along with you to a park with your three friends who I don't even know like it's insane.
Meanwhile Bristol:
I desperately want to know what it means. "I ate through you" it's not a lyric for sure. Sometimes I feel so horrible because Bristol deserves people better than me.
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