recession indicator

 finally a title which isnt a quote from a book or a movie or a lyric or even the name of a song. so i will read about recession indicators and also crows because idk. saw polka dots were a recession indicator a few days ago, today they said labubus. i hate typingg on my laptop aaah so slow. anyway i did know about labubus since they came out and i was like wth because honestly sonny angels are naked little boys with weird caps. i do like smiskis or whatever they are but honestly just fucking glow in the dark stupid shit it is. i did get this labubu fever last month though , gad it lasted less than 3 days, i was so fucking obsessed and then a saw a chinese one and it was cuter but honestly i am back to thinking they aren't very cool. anyway, don't know much about recession indicators so will read that. i keep saying i have a lot to write but never do and honestly who tf cares lol as long as it isn't affecting me. will try to fucking finish c sharp and trigonometry by today i promise like aaah. back to scrolling reels baiii

guests came, its 7:13 of june 22. Fuck you will toledo. i went through his old band's facebook yesterday. mr yay okay. wow cute tbh. dude really does have real sick fantasies for a sweet innocent face like that. yesterday was pretty much okay tbh. did cry a bit at nigth because SOMEONE decided to listen to twin fantasy (MtM) before sleeping and i was listening and i was holding up well, till the last song, those boys. and i was comparing lyrics of that song from both albums and they were obviously different. kinda made me cry not sure in which sense, but for fucking will toledo. it kinda feels very weird listening to twin fantasy (MtM) all day and then realise that wurtz did not like this concept album at first and she even wrote about it on her tumblr but then she made a ten year anniversary unrelesed merch for this album and the latest csh album has a lot of like influence and work from her. also the fact that her and will are friends now. it just feels weird listening to that album. wow i started crying rn someone give me a lollipop to suck on lol ok made myself laugh no crying yay. so, i also lowkey want to meet willl toledo around the time he wrotre this album. he does have really good songs but then the newer stuff feels something he makes for an audience not something personal which is totally normal because that's his job. was listening to beach death and he mentons Ouija hoard and last as young as 9  night i saw on his facebook him and his friends playing with that lol. i will try not to mention him or the album more from now on. washed my hair today i feel so human. don't tell that to will. my dad asked when i am going to meet my friends lol um and i did tell mom that i am scared to leave the hpuse and she was just well disappointed and angry didn't ask why because she probably had an idea. wore every fucking lip product i had because i felt so. it was fun but my dad was coming home soon so i did what i always so, kiss the back of this notebook. i find it so hilaroius at times. the front is goals and ideas and positive and stuff. the back? lipstick stains lol. flatsound has a very soft voice, love listening to him when i sleep. talked to melbourne today. she is not doing well. i really do wish i could help her the way others help me but i just can't. she said she's been cutting lately. i gave her this alternative which i think is lowkey genius, cutting slime or dough. she said she tries to do what her therapist asked her to do. what her therapist asked her isn't really something that works if you are too deep into cutting bu again different things work for different people. self harm which reminds me of kids on tik tik using animal emojies to denote different forms of self harm. on the surface if you are in the community you might find it funny for an instance cause its so goofy people posting random emojis but like in all of it its so sad kids hurting themselves. kids as young as 9 or 10. really heartbreaking but you can't help them. you can't help anyone. you can try though. i also like soundcloud a lot. i wanted to eat this spoicy bun but the shop was closed aahahhahaha. i really do think a lot lately lol. all i do is watch those youtube shorts with reddit stories but tbh i am lowkey invested and honestly it is all the same fucking pattern. the way out? document everything. lol. like fr. all sound the same. asked my mom to teach me embroidery. a lot happens latelt that i don't write here because how long stud=ff is but yea. i don't like talking to a lot of people. i rwally do hope people were a little happier and had better lives but i can't do anything for them. i don't even earn. i've decided to make my mom get back to her old self. i'll try reading therapy books whatever they studt to help people. i try to listen but yea never enough. i was also thinking how my sisier has matured kinda quick and if it's abnormal and if its my fault and am i mature i don't know man, i'll go do something.

so i ate this bun and i love it so much man omg. anway, aaahhh i keep forgetting what i'm supposed to do, lol. will go to yt until i figure it out baiiiii

back again in like 10 mins? lol. my form of self harm is waking up everyday and willingly choose to listen to this will tosito guy. beach fagz definestly wasn't about wurtz. will should make inclusive songs because i don't drink, or smoke, or get a boner, or identify as a furry (yet) nor am i gay (like his kind yk). will toileto isn't inclusive. dude keeps having boners and dreams, although ig prettly normal for the age he wrote this song at. yk i feel like will is the kinda guy who would find my instagram comments funny and would text me and we would me friends but our shared interest would be **** ( jesus christ in case you couldn't guess) aaahahhahhh which is exactly why i keep my account deactivated. i would be so glad to just write down my stream of concousness here all day. might as well incerese my tuping speed because i tend to look at the keyboard and not the screen. i come here to write my thoughts down though not some fucking practice tho. 22 days until college happens. today is 22. a lot can happen in 22 days. i like will's old songs and i find them so funny sometimes as if i didn't write similar shit if not worse. this blog is more of a person to me lol, i hope i am more of a father figure to you rather than a mommy. oh oh mommy reminds me of asuka. this bitch will is an eva fan like no fuck not  like why is the first eva fan. my friend A is a lain fan but no one likes eva. my friend S texted me asking if i come back in july. i told yes. lowkey guilty. i hate drinking water because it makes me piss every 5 mins like fuck off fella. will toledo can we be friends aah i am having second thoughts about him being funny. maybe he was a little funny. more like furry. i don't like my desk anymore. never did ut like it dosen't look like something i would make. i need password of my other gmail accounts man fuck shit. gonna go piss man i am getting a stomachache aahhh fuck this body like i tell you i eat like shit in college and what not and my hair holds up fine but at home i have proper meals and eat more that i'm supposed to credits to my mom and my hair is falling as if i had chemotherapy yesterday also like wht is my hair turning curly like bitch you is straight. i don't like when my hair gets curly because i can't make that joke of my hair being the straightest thing about me. i keep looking at the keyboard instead of the screeen fuck man gonna go piss now ahhhh this fucking bladder, sorry for cussing a lot i am in a phase where my mind thinks its cool to cuss, bye man.

back again. it is 21:54. my siblings really do take after me and it hurts. BIGGEST LOL ALERT. dad said it is excitement and if i supress it it isnt good like do you know dad where they got it from???? what about that time when i came to you and mom for almost a week to tell everything about black holes because it was the only thing keeping me sane at the time but you didn't even care and i do not engage in somwthing i used to fucking love.