mom did hear me cry yesterday because she was in my room today and told me i was using the phone also she called me atleast three times cause she wanted to hug me or physical affection stuff and i denied everytime obviously then she went on another rant how kids don't love their parents. I don't do this intentionally but deep inside i want her to feel the pain of not being able to experience physical intimacy - of any sort. i am incapable. I love sober to death. Also about my cutting. I don't have anything for first aid that will stop the bleeding. I had medical tapes back in my dorm room but did't bring them along. I'd have to go outside to buy all the medical shit but obviously can't. I would ask my sister but she will know that i will be cutting myself. She was the first person who found out i was cutting when she walked into my room iin the afternoon, i have written about it here i'm sure, i tell you everything. also she's only 12 and her friend tried to commit suicide by slicing her wrists so don't wanna traumatise her. My brother will tell mom. Imma search online but it's lowkey expensive and i don't have enough balance. I love jude st. francis. I personally would't like it if bristol did what i did, leave for days. we weren't talking much anyway. i am going insane. tomorrow i will finally finish watch perks of being a wallflower after being scared for yearss. i will. Will toeldro or whatever that gay furry's name is. happy pride month from duolingo btw.
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