Thursday, June 12, 2025

What, do you have something against dogs?

Nobody's celebrating Pride month like me I'm telling ya. The reason I don't have s flag in my room is because I really fulfill it's need in other ways. It's 12th of June, I'm listening to Twin Fantasy on repeat (i like the 2011 ver.more even if it's shorter y feels raw) and changing my wallpapers to Call me by your name while reading a little life. I was also doing other aruff but now I forgot what it was. Did not meet that friend today btw. Too scared to leave the house and felt uncomfortable existing. I'm planning to lock myself in my room for a few days starting tomorrow. Maybe till Bristol's birthday. Fifteen days. I'm definitely NOT done with the gifts do I guess I'll give it to her later this year or so. I feel guilty because yesterday she told me Alivia gave her an early birthday present, I wonder what it was. Bristol is the only friend whom I give birthday gifts. Failed this year though. Oh and um coming back to pride month, people that I hangout wirh in college are super homophobic like literally. I have this classmates who was told to give a speech on homosexuality and she said something along tje lines of how it's wrong. Unironically though she and a lot of them behave like an ally but then again the homophove really do cones out. Everyone calls me gay again as if it's middle school all over again but this gay is quite different from that. I invented this gay and they fet along with it. Oh and um I was seeing and up top 4 of my top 5 artists were queer and the fifth one, well: can't find the picture but it's tyler Joseph holding the flag. 

I like not leaving the house and cutting off from people although it means that I'll be in my own company which is productive but also very self destructive. I'm scared but I'll follow through. I'll remove whatsapp web from my laptop and switch off my phone. YouTube is a nice app. Can't wait to listen to the Contract and then eventually the album Breach. I do hope the theories are correct and that the cover changes to blue. I like blue. My favourite shade is probably that classic H&M Pigeon blue which is like grayish blue. I wrote to Flatsound finally. I hope they make a sequel to my favourite pieces of media like albums, novels and films. I need that confort. My teeth has gotten really sensitive, well it's definitely the purging and excessive sugar and nit brushing for months. A few days ago I brushed my teeth twice and I was so happy I wanted someone to tell me that they're proud of me. It feels nice when people tell me that they're proud of me with a light in their eyes so I keep saying this to other on there achivements. Nobody listens to music better than Bristol. I've heard twin fantasy since the day Bristol told me about it but lately, especially today I am so in love with it. Banger album. Will is so real like we'd probably be friends. I don't know why Bristol likes this so much but I have very definitive reasons. So you wanna see a picture of Mitch Welling that I recently downloaded? I was so scared lol 
Look at his phone cover man, and also I've theorised shit and one of his ex was female and she died prolly and then he also had an ex who was male. Like if you are insane enough you'll realise. I love being in the twenty one pilots and gravity falls random so much fun lol. They should make a country where the national anthem is it's only sex. Oh, my top five artists in order btw:
1. Lil Peep
2. Flatsound 
3. Twenty Øne Piløts
4. Sufjan Stevens 
5. Troye Sivan 
Honestly I don't religious listening to Troye Sivan like the others but like of you get it you get it. I felt very hurt in the psst few days by all the people I loved. I used to think I was bipolar a few years ago. I really want to earn money so that I can afford therapy. My memory is so shit. I really don't like the make species in general. I would also like to state the fact that I have extreme internalised homophobia thanks to middle school especially towards lesbians and also that I would hope I'm straight but I have my people to not be and xy chromosome holders lack so much empathy and basic understanding being few of them. I'll go for now. I like writing here because I don't have any expectations. Buddhism is so correct. I need to let off the desire shit. Amen to Buddha.

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